SeOUL Searching: Gyeongbok Palace

A chilly October evening, there was a reunion of two childhood friends in the courts of Gyeongbok Palace. 

She and I go back to the awkward pre-pubescent days of fifth grade, when gelly roll pens and passing notes were "in". But our relationship went deeper that that; we shared the unique experiences that you can only relate to if you too are a transcontinental family. 

This reunion was majestic in more ways than one - not only because of the setting (where the royals of the past once resided) but because she brought a partner along, her new fiance. We celebrated in shrieks and jumps of joy and then formal introductions were quickly followed by cracks of jokes and falls to the floor. 

We moseyed around under the night sky, periodically stopping for photo-ops. We marveled at the light, ambient and accent and the reflections of the magnificent structures they cast in the pools of water. "The Night at Gyeongbok Palace" was topped off with musical performances in both modern and traditional Korean fashion. The vibrant, vivid colors of hanbok captivated our attention; synchronized drumbeats echoed in the chambers of our hearts and called us forth to further love this motherland of ours. 

Being Still: Media Fast

My days are often quiet, slow in activity. My mind is another story, cluttered with "What if's" and should's and could's. I am a lover of structure, plans and lists - the lack of which sends me off on a fast train of "What am I doing with my life?" Yet, the smallest thing can become an insurmountable task, a mountain in my mind's eye I procrastinate to climb (much revelation about myself after reading this article). 

Though I am working on my emotional bandwidth, I am so enticed by the seductive voice of "tuning out" by bombarding my mind with media of all sorts, mainly that of the social kind. I had convinced myself I was spending "me-time" or "connecting" or "unwinding", but I was tricked; my mind was actually being wound up and robbed of gratitude.  I was being swept away by the strong currents of jealousy, envy, FOMO, a spirit of comparison and the undertow of toxic thoughts and feeling like my life, me, I just don't ever measure up. 

Though this "place of grace" has been, well, just that, this week I am fasting from media, of all kinds. No television, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Pinterest, no YouTube, no Bloglovin, no iPhone games, no internet browsing. I will choose to still my noisy mind and anxious heart and be still. 

I am glad I'm not in this alone and community will be so necessary for encouragement and accountability. And since I have been on a streak of being vulnerable and honest here, let me continue by saying... I'm a bit scared. My iPhone has unfortunately become an extension of fingers, a permanent fixture in my hand. But all the more reason for the media fast. 

I hope to read more, paint, pray, walk, hike, meet up with friends, workout, journal, cook, write. 

I hope to be more present. 

Friday Favorites

This week, my emotional bandwidth was screaming, "Overload! That's enough!" I found myself overwhelmed by not only my emotions but the emotions of others, and not just "others" but those near and dear to my heart. My gut instinct is to retreat, check out, tune off, to veg out and often overdose on mindless YouTube videos. 

But I'm thankful I am not left to my own devices.  Being surrounded by a community, near and far, to walk with, to talk with, to do life with has helped me to share and not hold in, to process and confront, not avoid. And like that, I have had chance encounters and conversations where thoughts and feelings are mirrored, empathy is present and my bandwidth increases. 

I'm thankful for this "place of grace", where I can take in, observe, process, share, embrace. 

Happy Friday! I hope you can take time to process, share and embrace. 

Beautiful watercolor remnants

Spontaneous badminton/tennis outing with a bunch of characters #squad 

Our favorite

3D glasses at Gyeongbok Palace. That's how we roll. 

"Friendly" match of tennis 

Valleys

Life these past few months has been an ebb and flow between glorious peaks and treacherous valleys of disillusionment. Life these days has been allowing myself to be fully present in both the celebrations and the defeats, the extraordinary, momentous occasions and the everyday, mundane moments. 

It has been being flooded in my own tears and falling over from belly-aching laughter, only to be followed by confusion of what state and season I am in. 

In the midst of all this, I am often plagued with thoughts of how to make my life "blog-worthy", or "Instagram-worthy", but in all honesty, there are many times when life just isn't. 

The inevitable valleys of this so-called life have been long and deep, have left me lost in the sea of my own thoughts, drowning in fears and questions leaving me without the wherewithal to continue, having to muster up the energy to put one foot in front of the other. 

But lately, I've come face-to-face with how off-focus I was. The goal isn't to be blog-worthy, but to fix my eyes on that which is worthy. 

It's the choosing to believe even when everything else tells you otherwise. It's clinging to what is true, right, and good even when you don't see it or feel it. 

Fields of Green

Green is my favorite color.

Several weekends ago, with a few dear friends, Y and I went to Samcheok, located in Gangwon Province. It was my first time in Gangwon-Do, a province known for its fresh air and greenery. And green, indeed! 

My eyes were amazed at the sights before it and I kept thinking, "Is this real?" (Check out my lovely friend, M's blog post on our trip here)

This past weekend, Y and I made another trip down to Gwangju to see my parents. At my request, the four of us went to Boseong, a place famous for its green tea fields. I drank in the mountainsides, the lush carpets of green to my eyes' and heart's content. We walked through a forest, studying the differences in each tree: its bark, its leaves, its height and width- the symphony of cicadas cheering us along. The rolling hills, the shades and hues of green. The trickling sound of a nearby stream, our feet thanking it for a brief respite from the humidity. 

Korea, you are beautiful to me. 

보성 제암산 더늠길
더늠의 뜻: 자신의 장기로 부르는 대목
매미들의 합창
새들의 판소리
숲속을 가로지르는 데크다리 위로
맨발 행진
상큼한 바람이 머릿결은 스쳐간다
흰나비 검정나비가 횔횔
산꽃위에서 맴돈다
놀란 다람쥐는 계곡 바위 사이로 숨바꼭질 한다
조각가가 새긴 울퉁불퉁 소나무
아버님의 칭찬 때문에 살랑살랑 흔들면서 인사한다
다시또 와주세요... 가을 때면 새로운 옷을 입고 자랑하고 싶습니다

Written by Y. Ko (his previous poem featured here)