My days are often quiet, slow in activity. My mind is another story, cluttered with "What if's" and should's and could's. I am a lover of structure, plans and lists - the lack of which sends me off on a fast train of "What am I doing with my life?" Yet, the smallest thing can become an insurmountable task, a mountain in my mind's eye I procrastinate to climb (much revelation about myself after reading this article).
Though I am working on my emotional bandwidth, I am so enticed by the seductive voice of "tuning out" by bombarding my mind with media of all sorts, mainly that of the social kind. I had convinced myself I was spending "me-time" or "connecting" or "unwinding", but I was tricked; my mind was actually being wound up and robbed of gratitude. I was being swept away by the strong currents of jealousy, envy, FOMO, a spirit of comparison and the undertow of toxic thoughts and feeling like my life, me, I just don't ever measure up.
Though this "place of grace" has been, well, just that, this week I am fasting from media, of all kinds. No television, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Pinterest, no YouTube, no Bloglovin, no iPhone games, no internet browsing. I will choose to still my noisy mind and anxious heart and be still.
I am glad I'm not in this alone and community will be so necessary for encouragement and accountability. And since I have been on a streak of being vulnerable and honest here, let me continue by saying... I'm a bit scared. My iPhone has unfortunately become an extension of fingers, a permanent fixture in my hand. But all the more reason for the media fast.
I hope to read more, paint, pray, walk, hike, meet up with friends, workout, journal, cook, write.
I hope to be more present.