Being Still: Media Fast

My days are often quiet, slow in activity. My mind is another story, cluttered with "What if's" and should's and could's. I am a lover of structure, plans and lists - the lack of which sends me off on a fast train of "What am I doing with my life?" Yet, the smallest thing can become an insurmountable task, a mountain in my mind's eye I procrastinate to climb (much revelation about myself after reading this article). 

Though I am working on my emotional bandwidth, I am so enticed by the seductive voice of "tuning out" by bombarding my mind with media of all sorts, mainly that of the social kind. I had convinced myself I was spending "me-time" or "connecting" or "unwinding", but I was tricked; my mind was actually being wound up and robbed of gratitude.  I was being swept away by the strong currents of jealousy, envy, FOMO, a spirit of comparison and the undertow of toxic thoughts and feeling like my life, me, I just don't ever measure up. 

Though this "place of grace" has been, well, just that, this week I am fasting from media, of all kinds. No television, no Facebook, no Instagram, no Pinterest, no YouTube, no Bloglovin, no iPhone games, no internet browsing. I will choose to still my noisy mind and anxious heart and be still. 

I am glad I'm not in this alone and community will be so necessary for encouragement and accountability. And since I have been on a streak of being vulnerable and honest here, let me continue by saying... I'm a bit scared. My iPhone has unfortunately become an extension of fingers, a permanent fixture in my hand. But all the more reason for the media fast. 

I hope to read more, paint, pray, walk, hike, meet up with friends, workout, journal, cook, write. 

I hope to be more present. 

Friday Favorites

This week, my emotional bandwidth was screaming, "Overload! That's enough!" I found myself overwhelmed by not only my emotions but the emotions of others, and not just "others" but those near and dear to my heart. My gut instinct is to retreat, check out, tune off, to veg out and often overdose on mindless YouTube videos. 

But I'm thankful I am not left to my own devices.  Being surrounded by a community, near and far, to walk with, to talk with, to do life with has helped me to share and not hold in, to process and confront, not avoid. And like that, I have had chance encounters and conversations where thoughts and feelings are mirrored, empathy is present and my bandwidth increases. 

I'm thankful for this "place of grace", where I can take in, observe, process, share, embrace. 

Happy Friday! I hope you can take time to process, share and embrace. 

Beautiful watercolor remnants

Spontaneous badminton/tennis outing with a bunch of characters #squad 

Our favorite

3D glasses at Gyeongbok Palace. That's how we roll. 

"Friendly" match of tennis 

Valleys

Life these past few months has been an ebb and flow between glorious peaks and treacherous valleys of disillusionment. Life these days has been allowing myself to be fully present in both the celebrations and the defeats, the extraordinary, momentous occasions and the everyday, mundane moments. 

It has been being flooded in my own tears and falling over from belly-aching laughter, only to be followed by confusion of what state and season I am in. 

In the midst of all this, I am often plagued with thoughts of how to make my life "blog-worthy", or "Instagram-worthy", but in all honesty, there are many times when life just isn't. 

The inevitable valleys of this so-called life have been long and deep, have left me lost in the sea of my own thoughts, drowning in fears and questions leaving me without the wherewithal to continue, having to muster up the energy to put one foot in front of the other. 

But lately, I've come face-to-face with how off-focus I was. The goal isn't to be blog-worthy, but to fix my eyes on that which is worthy. 

It's the choosing to believe even when everything else tells you otherwise. It's clinging to what is true, right, and good even when you don't see it or feel it. 

Fields of Green

Green is my favorite color.

Several weekends ago, with a few dear friends, Y and I went to Samcheok, located in Gangwon Province. It was my first time in Gangwon-Do, a province known for its fresh air and greenery. And green, indeed! 

My eyes were amazed at the sights before it and I kept thinking, "Is this real?" (Check out my lovely friend, M's blog post on our trip here)

This past weekend, Y and I made another trip down to Gwangju to see my parents. At my request, the four of us went to Boseong, a place famous for its green tea fields. I drank in the mountainsides, the lush carpets of green to my eyes' and heart's content. We walked through a forest, studying the differences in each tree: its bark, its leaves, its height and width- the symphony of cicadas cheering us along. The rolling hills, the shades and hues of green. The trickling sound of a nearby stream, our feet thanking it for a brief respite from the humidity. 

Korea, you are beautiful to me. 

보성 제암산 더늠길
더늠의 뜻: 자신의 장기로 부르는 대목
매미들의 합창
새들의 판소리
숲속을 가로지르는 데크다리 위로
맨발 행진
상큼한 바람이 머릿결은 스쳐간다
흰나비 검정나비가 횔횔
산꽃위에서 맴돈다
놀란 다람쥐는 계곡 바위 사이로 숨바꼭질 한다
조각가가 새긴 울퉁불퉁 소나무
아버님의 칭찬 때문에 살랑살랑 흔들면서 인사한다
다시또 와주세요... 가을 때면 새로운 옷을 입고 자랑하고 싶습니다

Written by Y. Ko (his previous poem featured here) 

Whole30 before 30

Can you believe that I'll be turning 30 next month? Because I sure can't; in my mind, I'm still eighteen...  But hey ho, c'est la vie and I'm going to embrace thirty and do thirty proud. And what better way to usher in thirty than to do Whole30 before thirty!

We're already halfway through but it's been quite a journey. I'll admit, I've been a hangry, cranky-pants at times and the cravings for all things sweet (cupcakes, chocolate, donuts, macarons...) and carbs (mainly anything of the noodle kind) have been so real. I've eaten more eggs during the past fifteen days than what seems like in my entire life. Going out to eat has posed to be quite challenging. Meal-planning is a real thing, apparently. I've been resorting to a lot of leftovers for lunch. 

But we've been taking it day by day. I've been trying to satiate my sweet tooth with lots of fresh fruit and Lara bars! (Thank you, Lara bars!) And I'm grateful to the husband for doing it with me and for great friends, K and M for motivating me to start! 

Here are some of the meals we've had over the past 15 days. 

A simple breakfast: Scrambled eggs, avocados & cherry tomatoes

A more elaborate dinner: Mustard-marinated chicken, grilled onions and mushrooms, arugula salad with tomatoes and avocado

Brunch @Suji's: Omelette with bell peppers, onions and mushrooms, home fries, scrambled eggs, breakfast sausage, ham 

A hearty lunch: Skirt steak, broccoli and eggs over-easy (I told you, a lot of eggs...)

A midday pick-me-up: my own Whole30 version of cappuccino - blend coffee with half a banana for a subtly sweet and frothy drink! 

Dinner @"The Garden": Grilled fish, sauteed cabbage and tomatoes, cauliflower, and mashed potatoes

A Whole30-approved brunch feast on vacation: scrambled eggs, avocados, grilled tomatoes, sausages, grilled vegetable medley, home fries, fruit salad, bacon 

Lunch out at a Turkish restaurant: Coban salad  

Dinner at home: skirt steak, eggs, grilled red peppers, roasted cauliflower 

I am now armed with the instagram account of Whole30recipes for inspiration to get us through the next fifteen days!

Cheers to Whole30 and turning 30!